None The Worse: Bejewelled SkiesThe inky darkness explodedWith mo...

None The Worse: Bejewelled Skies
The inky darkness explodedWith mo...: Bejewelled Skies The inky darkness exploded With more hues than could be counted As fireworks rent the sky in hues That sparkled...

Bejewelled Skies

The inky darkness exploded

With more hues than could be counted

As fireworks rent the sky in hues

That sparkled and glittered and died

And still more followed suit

And lit the heavens with lustre

The glow reflected on the upturned faces

Looking up with awe and delight

Their young faces reflecting

Both happiness and envy

For though they made the fireworks

Crafted, packed and boxed them

Inhaling noxious fumes

And ingesting toxic colours

Someone else would burst them

And exhausted, sleep in warm beds

While the young hands that laboured

To gift that joy to the privileged

Would return to their shanties

Cold, sick and dying

And return to that cesspool

To help bedeck the heavens

None The Worse: HorrorvilleIt's Not In My HeadI saw Annabelle a c...

None The Worse: HorrorvilleIt's Not In My Head
I saw Annabelle a c...: Horrorville It's Not In My Head I saw Annabelle a couple of nights ago. It was the last show of the day at 10.20 PM. Not that I ...

Horrorville

It's Not In My Head

I saw Annabelle a couple of nights ago. It was the last show of the day at 10.20 PM. Not that I wanted to see it, but my friends insisted, nay ordered. I had no choice. 

They - "We're going to see Annabelle tonight, last show."

Me - "I can't. I have something else I need to do"

"Like what?"

Mind completely blank, I blurt the first thing that come to my macho mind - "It's that time of the month when..." I start protesting weakly.

"Oh shut up! You're coming and we've already booked your tickets."

"But I don't want to! Can't we see One Direction instead?"

*Disbelieving silence*

Me - "Of course I'm kidding...HA HA HA HA." I laugh maniacally. "Annabelle it is." 

Not wanting to be thought a wuss, I went along. 

Was the movie scary? I have no idea. The reviews said it was a disappointment. I wouldn't know. What I did was, I crouched low in my seat until my knees were just about level with my chin. Folding my 6'2" frame so low in the seat was a real task. Then I spent the rest of the time staring at the glowing, red exit sign just below the screen. Even now, when I close my eyes, I still see the red exit sign. And that's all I ever saw! 

Not that I'm afraid of the dark, but every time I watch a horror movie, my mind converts every single sound in the night into something scary. The creaking of my bed betrays the girl from The Ring hiding underneath it. The rustle of the curtains reveals the silhouette of the woman from The Grudge. And the shape of the bedside lamp in the dark looks like the face of Tim Curry (It makes me shudder every time).

I get over it of course, but until then I usually drink a bottle of cough syrup to knock me out, cover myself from head to toe with my blanket (taking special care to tuck it under my feet), and force myself to think of non-scary movies like Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar and Paranormal Activity (Seriously! Two hours of watching people sleep, eat, talk, watch TV and sleep some more, all with shoddy camera work is an invitation to seizure inducing boredom). 

Which is why I've decided that while it's all in my head, why put it there in the first place?

None The Worse: I Don't DanceOf all the forms of expressions that...

None The Worse: I Don't Dance
Of all the forms of expressions that...: I Don't Dance Of all the forms of expressions that humans use to express emotions, ideas and stories, none is as peculiar as dance...

I Don't Dance

Of all the forms of expressions that humans use to express emotions, ideas and stories, none is as peculiar as dance. Since the time people lived in caves and wondered if rocks were edible, dance has existed. It acts as a form of story telling, of passing down ideas through the generations. It is used to express joy, devotion, veneration and a whole lot more. It's symbolic of a people, and has emotional and cultural connotations. This ritual of swirling, side-stepping, bobbing heads and shaking tooshies is enthusiastically taken upon by boobies, tits, woodcocks (I'm talking about birds you perverts!), finches, grebes, flamingos, ostriches and other zoological species, including humans. 

No other species has so ardently evolved the art of dancing as humans have. From the time Og had a rodentosaurus run up his tiger skirt and he started flailing about to shake it off, thus inventing the first dance form known as rock dance (the predecessor to modern rock n' roll), humans have shaped, classified, codified, reinvented, borrowed, studied, copied and, in case of psychedelic trance dance, ingested LSD to make dancing a multi-billion dollar industry. (Of course I'm kidding about Og inventing the first dance form! As if I actually do any research when I blog! It could've easily been his brother Doh).

However, the art of dancing, forget dancing well, is clearly not a genetic factor. Some people have two left feet. I have no feet left. While friends all around me are dancing to the tunes of the Ultimate Part Album, featuring all the songs whose lyrics I don't know but I pretend to and make up words, I try to dance too. Honestly, I do. The only problem is, my brain cannot move all my limbs at the same time, so I end up looking like I'm having a seizure while my arms keep inadvertently brushing the family jewels of the person nearest to me. To avoid this embarrassing outcome, I often keep my hands in my pockets while dancing, but it always ends up making me look like I'm trying to discreetly scratch an itch down there.

 That's why I prefer discotheques, where it's dark enough to not be able to make out your every move, and I can do the only dance step I've perfected - The Mr. Bean. (To be honest, I haven't perfected all of Bean's moves, just his facial expressions).

The one time I did gamely try dancing, to a Punjabi tune no less, I accidentally stepped on the foot of a friend dancing next to me, enough to draw blood from her big toe. Ever since then, I've decided that in order to spare any more digits of other people from oozing blood and requiring a tetanus shot, it's best that I don't dance.